On Rugby World Cup rules

Here is my understanding of how it works. The fat guys all run into each other, while the slightly slimmer guys stand in a line watching them. Eventually the fat guys get tired and have a lie down on top of each other. The ball comes out the back of this lie down and the skinnier guys kick it back and forward to each other for half an hour. Then the fat guys wake up and start running into each other again. Every now and again the referee stops play because someone dropped the ball. That’s the only thing you are not allowed to do in rugby. Everything else would appear to be okay. Sometimes one group of fat guys pushes the other group over the line and there is some manly hugging, but no shifting like in soccer. After 80 minutes they add up the score and New Zealand wins.


On Rugby rivalries

A lot’s happened in the last 17 years. Except for…

Dear 17-year-old Australians,

on behalf of all New Zealand.

You’ve seen a lot of things in your lifetime;
The birth of the smartphone
The growth of the internet
Social media
The first Australian female Prime Minister
Five other Australian Prime Ministers
Royals that won hearts
‘Royals’ that won Grammys
The first photograph of a black hole
A global recession
The first solar-powered flight around the world
Pluto losing its planet status
The reinvention of safety videos
The car that drove into space
The first Dreamliner taking flight
3D printing
Water found on Mars
A total lunar eclipse
The world’s first flying couch
Birth of the 7 billionth person
A reality star becoming a President
Driver-less cars
Marriage equality
The world tipping ice on itself

You’ve never seen Australia win the Bledisloe Cup. We plan on keeping it that way.