7 Things I Hate About Geeks

1. They’re binary. Geeks who read my work at Valleywag often ask me why I praised an entity in one article and criticized it in another. The world is not black and white! Geeks throw out entire systems or reject whole people because of one flaw. They’re crueler than schoolchildren.

2. They think they’re special. At least in LA, you can see why the celebrities think they’re gods: at least everyone knows them. In Silicon Valley, everyone’s smugly sure that “Internet Famous” secretly means “actually famous.” It doesn’t.

3. They’re boring. They make me boring. I was used to a conversational life of decent variety before I joined the geeks. Now it’s all iPhones and Facebook and that’s the good stuff.

4. They’re sensitive. I can’t mock the homeless with geeks; I can’t say the word “chick.” This is mild NBC primetime stuff.

5. They’re tactless. I’m the last to talk, I know, but I’m freaked out when my geek roommate resorts to the word “fuck” at the first mention of fair use, a geek audience starts name-calling at a respected sci-fi author when he criticizes user-generated content, and two critics of my Valleywag work try to embarrass me by mentioning my “failed” video project, Look Shiny — a personal videoblog that’s still running and thus has “succeeded,” though I’m not sure how such an unambitious project could fail.

6. They have a terrible sense of humor. This is a crowd that thinks “Fake Steve Jobs” is hilarious. It’s no wonder; a lot of them eschew TV for, ugh, blogs.

7. The phrase “___y goodness.”


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